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Now usually my blog titles have nothing to do with their content. That's going to change a bit today because I have been plagued by stupid people these last few days. At work, shopping, or on the road, I can't seem to escape morons. While these events are annoying at the time, they do, luckily, make for some good stories later (although I'm still trying hard to see the funny in the old lady who had to take an extra 5 minutes in the checkout lane because instead of grabbing two 50-cent roles of tape, she'd grabbed a 50-cent and a 76-cent roll, and needed to whine about it).
Story 1 happened yesterday as I was coming back from shopping (and putting up with that weird old lady in front of me in line). I hopped in the left-hand turn lane to turn into my apartment complex, only to realize that the entry-lane is plugged by someone trying to turn left, on main street... during rush hour... and I can't turn in until this chick (or possibly a drag queen given the big golden hoops I saw) is able to make her way out. Improving this situation is that there's another guy right behind me looking to turn in as well and, on top of a that, a big truck in the oncoming lane looking to make a right into the complex who just happens to be blocking her view. It all worked itself out and she managed to avoid causing an accident (narrowly). Just remember kids, when there's 2 lanes going out of a parking lot and it doesn't say 'Exit Only' that means you have to use the right-hand lane regardless of which way you're turning.
Story 2 is definitely the funnier of the stories have I for you today. We have this new guy at work... and new guy is dumb. Real dumb. George W. Bush dumb (a quick aside into one of my favorite George W. quotes: "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001). Anyway, one of the guys on our crew is a pretty decent actor and he likes to have on with people sometimes. Well the new dumb guy comes into the backroom and our actor friend asks him if he's ever heard of blue balls, not just any blue balls, the infection kind. The new guy, of course, hasn't. No one has of course, but the new guy is too intrigued by the prospect of knowing something more about his balls to question anything he's been told. Our actor friend goes on, explaining to him the symptoms (it swells up and looks gray!) and then, much to my chagrined amusements, the treatment: "He (the doctor) makes you take it out and sit it on the exam table, then, to distract you, he asks you to look over at the clock and tell him what time it is, and when you look, BAM! he hits it with a rubber mallet and all the pus comes out of the end!". Yes, he said that, and yes, the guy bought it. Was, in fact, terrified of catching it himself. The last I saw the guy, he was telling all his male co-workers on the unloading team about the "Blue Balls Infection" that guys can get. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it myself.
Maybe he and parking lot girl can hook up and make lots of illegitimate children.
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