It's been a long time since I've talked to about the Detroit Lions, and with good reason since they finished out the second-half of the regular season with a 1-7 record. Rumor has it that offensive coordinator Mike Martz will be fired and replaced by wide receiver coach Kippy Brown. Is this a joke? Detroit's wide receivers were actually open about 3 times in the last 8 games and when they were open and Jon Kitna managed to get the ball to them there was only a 50% chance they'd actually catch it. That's like exchanging your mild head cold for syphilis (funny side note: the level of insanity requisite to make such a decision could actually be caused by syphilis).
Don't get me wrong here, I think it's may be time for Martz to move on, but I was thinking a couple weeks back that Detroit's receiver coach (I didn't know his name at the time) was likely going to get fired at season's end. On the topic of folks who need to move on, how about Boss Bailey? This guy only managed 47 tackles all season and only 188 in his 5 seasons combined(only 54 more tackles than Ernie Sims had this season alone). It's also time for Jon Kitna to get his boogie shoes on. His performance in the last half of the season was nothing short of uninspired and he tied for league lead with 20 interceptions while also managing to lose 6 of his 17 fumbles. Simply put, do you think you can win with a quarterback who has turned the ball over 57 times in 32 games? A stat not recorded is the amount of dogs who trotted onto the field and urinated on Kitna while he stood stock still in the pocket, after reviewing the game tapes I counted 16 times, an impressive number for the pooches considering opposing defenses managed to get to him 51 times and thus end their quest for bladder relief on a silver and blue fire hydrant.
Some additional news that purely the product of my imagination: Shaun McDonald plans on releasing a dance video based on his evasive maneuvers after catching the ball. Good idea Shaun, you don't ever manage to shake a defender but you do look pretty fabulous up until you get tackled. The Detroit secondary is also rumored to be collaborating on a book entitled "How to get Caught while Cheating on your Significant Other". Well fellas, if your skill at getting caught out of position on the field translates well to your private lives this thing should be fairly accurate, though I don't expect to see it on any of the best seller lists.
Bitter Lions rant. Check.
I had a date on Saturday. It was amazing. I knew we had something special there but I had no idea. None. And I'm at a loss for words to say anything else about it.
On that note, it's time for me to wrap this up. I've got people to call, parties to attend... maybe... I'm tired and not feeling terribly inclined to go out, haha. Have a great time out there tonight gang and for the love of all that is holy, BE SAFE. I'll get back to you after the new year.
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