Goodbye Blue Monday!

Lots on my mind today. The approach of the NFL draft, Rudy Giuliani declaring that a vote for anyone other than him - and doubly so for a democrat - will result in death, and my friend Liz's awesome recipe for chocolate pie, all have me a little pre-occupied.

In news that won't send me off on a tirade, my friend Samantha and her son came and stayed with me for a few days. It was great to see her and her son Michael (my Godson) is a real joy. I was totally not prepared for an 18-month old to be staying over and was utterly overwhelmed for the duration of their visit but it was still very enjoyable.

The recipe Liz gave me for chocolate pie was amazing. I broke out my Vita-Mix mixer for this puppy. It used to come with a recipe for bread because this sucker can turn wheat into flour. I sent Liz an email about this and she said it put 80's infomerical theme music in her head. I'm pretty sure I'm offended by this.

I'm learning to play chess. I don't seem to have any natural ability for it, which is to say I suck at it quite a lot. In fact I can't think of an adverb strong enough to describe the extent of how much I suck at chess.

I saw this earlier today and just had to share it with all of you:












In other news, two great things happen on Saturday. The first is the NFL draft, in which my favorite team, the lousy Detroit Lions, hold the second overall pick. I'll be rooting for them not to screw it up. Also on Saturday is clean-up day. This marks the end of the period where people put large stuff they don't want and won't fit into their garbage bins on their front lawns. Not only is it unsightly but other people drive around and pick through the junk, which is just weird, not to mention tacky.

Well, I avoided freaking out about gun control and terrorism so I consider this post a success.

I'm off to snort some blow off a dead hooker's stomach.

FDA intends to evaluate "Tastes Funny" slogan on Oscar-Meyer Deli Sliced Clown Meat

Some amusing things to see for you lot today.

First, you've got to check out Acceptable TV. Featuing such shorts at "Homeless James Bond" and "Operation Kitten Calendar", the latter a reality show spoof and one of the funniest things I've seen in months, maybe years. It airs every week on VH1 or you can just watch the episodes on the site.

The next amusing thing I have for you today is a video from the AMV Commedians series. What this is, essentially, is a comedy routine synced up with anime. Most of these are either uninspired, poorly synced, or just plain dumb. This one, however, is perfectly synced and the characters actions line up, as much as possible, with the subject matter of the comedian.



Not a whole lot more amusing going. Well actually I did see this blurb written by a guy likening the events of 9/11 to Pearl Harbor. It apparently escaped this fella that it was a nation who attacked us during the raid on Pearl Harbor as opposed to a small religious sect and then we declared war on a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 whereas we actually did declare war on Japan. I had to laugh but it's just so frustrating to see people out there so fundamentally stupid they can't discern between a small group of religious zealots and a country, and then to equate it back to the war in Iraq - which we now know had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks and had no viable WMDs - I mean how can you just happen to overlook all these crazy facts? And if that guy read this he'd be railing at me for not supporting the troops because I don't believe we should be over there because he can't discern between support for the government's actions and support for those who have no choice but to carry out those actions. To put it another way, just because I don't agree with the reasons you painted your house doesn't mean I hate your paint brush.

Okay, political rant, check.

Lifeguard drowns, is revived, and is then promptly slain by irony

So yesterday was April Fool's Day, well 2 days ago now as it just rolled past midnight. Not a single joke did I see. It was very dissapointing. I'll need to stock up on fake dog crap for next year (we own 3 dogs so the genuine article just isn't as amusing anymore).

Had a chance to visit for a bit with Doug and Liz the other day. It's always good to see those two as they now reside in Colorado. It was kind of awkward at one point because it turns out they came home because a family member died and I wasn't made aware of this so I just showed up and I'm cracking jokes at what is, essentially, a delayed wake. I may not have mentioned this before but I have a real talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Like this one time at a picnic a bee landed on my plate and the guy across from me says, "Bet you don't wanna eat him!" ya know, har har, and I being the joker had to reply "Oh yeah I do, they're very healthy, I eat bees all the time" and Mr. HarHar asks, "Well how do you know they're healthy?" to which I replied, "Well I don't have cancer do I?" and of course, sitting a few people down was a lady who had cancer. I didn't really know her, couldn't have known, but that's what I do all the time.

I was introduced to the word, "Minger" earlier this week. Wonderful word, means nasty or disgusting in reference to a person and is usually used by males to refer to ugly females, typically in brittish slang, "She's a real minger, that one, a real 8-pinter". I think I actually love the phrase "8-pinter" more than I do minger, but they're both quite nice. Another favorite piece of brittish slang is "gets on my tits" in place of "makes me mad", though I haven't worked up the requisite amount of courage to attempt using the phrase in public yet.

I'm going to bed now.

Choking mime unable to convey need for Heimlich Manuever, dies inside invisible box

In need of some cool new tunes? Check Saltillo out! Kind of a techno classical mix I found very enjoyable.

I just got back from Grandpa's birthday shindig. These are always fun because I get to hear about insane relatives that I've never met and are likely dead, but nonetheless lead colorful lives. Like my dad's cousin who apparently de-railed a train. That's right, I'm related to a guy who de-railed a train. How cool is that?

So, book review. Right-o.


Stephen King's "Cell". I read this a while back, decided I wanted to tell you about it. Book reviews are always problematic because if they weren't already interested enough to read the book, whatever you have to say isn't likely to change their mind. Not that this differes a tremendous amount from other forms of reviewing, only that books suffer from genre-mania (that is, a fanbase that is rabidly devoted to a single genre and rarely if ever partakes of anything outside) and there are a tremendous amount of them, all of which can be read for free from your local library. Anyway...

"Cell" deals with the idea of a computer-style virus, only this one isn't targetting your hard drive, it's going after your brain. The title extends from the opening scene where the virus is transmitted to the world via cell phone. Everyone who hears it, initially, goes bonkers and later on those affected develop a kind of hive-mind. Anyway, it's the end of the world and those few survivors must band together to try to defeat this new-age zombie horde and attempt to reclaim their lives.

The end of the world via virus isn't new territory for King, which is likely the greatest flaw in the book. As opposed to a bio-engineered flu that decimates the world's population in "The Stand" it's now a geek-engineered virus that treats your brain like the hard drive of your computer. Had King not written "The Stand" I believe this work would've gotten a far better reception as opposed to being seen as an updated, future-paranoid (and justifiably so, I think) version of what is regarded as his greatest work.

There is little in the way of character development, though one doesn't expect much given that you're only dealing with a few weeks in the lives of the characters. The characters themselves seem real enough, given the situation they're in, although dealing with characters who are always half a step and a quarter-second away from a panic high can be exhausting.

The plot moves at a good clip. I think King was going for a so-called "Tour de force" here, but he didn't realize that his topic mater was "The Stand" meets "Resident Evil" and that his current story lacked the marvelous and meticolously developed characters of the former and the pulse-pounding action of the latter.

Final verdict: It's worth checking out... literally, from your library. I wouldn't recommend buying this unless you're a hardcore King fan and even then I would wait (well I wouldn't, I own the bleeding hardcover) for the paperback, which should be released on June 5th of this year.

Interesting thought for the day: Most people keep things. Why? Because these things belong to them, not because they are worth keeping.