To begin, I'd like to thank Guiness for making this St. Patrick's day a memorable one and for being a wonderful compliment to pizza.
Nothing truly amusing has happend of late (except my cat getting a tissue stuck to her face, but that's more of a visual joke and I didn't have a camera handy) so it's old story time.
Arrogance makes people funny. Someone who is totally willing to laugh at himself when he trips isn't half as funny as the guy who pops up and looks around to see who saw him fall. Luckilly, I have two arrogant uncles who don't need bad luck, they make their own, and I don't think either one has ever honestly laughed at himself. To protect their identities (and myself from awkward moments at upcoming family reunions) I'll use fake names in the upcoming stories.
My Uncle Lucky has a colorful past. At the tender age of 7 (or thereabouts) he nearly hung himself going down a slide when he decided to wrap a rope around his neck beforehand. It's a good thing for him his little sister was there to rescue him.
On to college he either got drunk or had a sinus infection (this story varies from person to person) and was on the top bunk. Regardless of the cause, the effect was him falling out of the top bunk and the floor removing his two front teeth. Not finished yet, he then decided to go to a dentist that everyone knew was a quack. Never one to listen to what his family told him, Lucky went to the quack dentist and had two new teeth literally pounded into his head with a mallet. As if this experience and the bruises that ran from nose to cheeckbone under both eyes weren't enough, they fell out the next week and were swallowed along with his mashed potatoes.
And now to adult-hood. Lucky decided one day that the stump in the backyard really needed to be chopped out. A man of action, he grabbed the axe and went to work, ignoring that a clothes-line was in the way. The axe caught the clothes-line, rebounded and caught Lucky right between the eyes. I haven't seen the medical report on this one but we believe, given his more recent behavior, that the axe actually gave him a frontal lobotomy.
Tune in later this week where I'll profile my Uncle Crazy. Same Bat Time. Same Bat Channel.
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