I wear many hats, and some of them are bonnets

Free golf-clap to the first person who can tell me what television show the above titular quote comes from.

So Target called and I had my orientation today. All in all a boring experience, but I feel good about the place and at this point that's all that really matters. I start Wednesday morning at 4am so that should be fun in a tired sort of way.

My regular reader(s) may notice that the links have changed in my "Stuff That's Hip" category. I'd like to tell you why. I removed what was my favorite internet (for lack of a better word) cartoon, Neurotically Yours. My ass has been seriously chapped by the content of "Unamusement Park" where the main character, a squirrel named Foamy, goes off on a rant about amusement park rides being shut down due to accidents that were not the fault of the park but irresponsible riders. I can understand the frustration at this given America's current culture of individuals refusing to take responsibility for their own actions, and stupidity. My problem with the cartoon is the names he uses when referring to fictitious accident victims, he names them all with stereotypical African-American names. Jonathan Mathers claims, via his Foamy persona, that he does most of his stuff improv so it's impossible to say whether he did this intentionally or not - not that it really matters. I'm disgusted, still, having seen this cartoon months ago it still bugs the crap out of me. The only reason I haven't removed the link before now is that I forgot it was there. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions and worldview, but I'll be damned before I watch anything else that this Don Imus of internet cartoons creates.

There, I don't feel any better, but at least I got that off my chest.

Amusing camp memory: Apparently our younger generation has turned the "Your Momma" joke on its ear by including furniture in the list of things it can make fun of. One of my kids said to another, during the last session, "Your couch is so nasty that you fell asleep on it with hopes and dreams and woke up with hepatitis and diabetes." I was laughing too hard to tell him that diabetes isn't contagious. An amusing new bit of slang was either introduced or invented during that last session as well. Instead of, "Don't talk crap" it was, "Don't talk no shabangbang". It turns out, yelling this in a silly voice when your kids are starting to squabble is a great way to take their attention off their conflicts and put it on you. While it may not be the mad genius of my camp director, whose method of waking kids up involved a sock puppet that only spoke Spanish, it was still pure gold for conflict resolution.

Take care of yourselves and I'll catch you all later.

Tubs of Rancid Yak Butter

So I was 'saved' from having to work through the temp agency by... Target. By 'saved' I mean instead of an eight-hundred pound gorilla with a chronic case of diarrhea sitting on me, I now get to hang out with a close-talker who has halitosis. Sure one is better than the other but neither is exactly ideal. I am now reminded of Marie's job at UPS, who swore those initials actually stood for Ugly People of Satan - and I'm suddenly thankful just for having a job, haha.

Had my birthday shindig on Friday (another perk of getting hired by Target, I just wish they'd call me about orientation) and it was pretty amazing. Especially when I managed to get lost for 20 minutes on the University of Western campus. Thanks for the not so awesome directions, Kenzie, but mostly, thanks for being the awesome person you are, even if your navigational skills are even worse than my own.

The Lions open up the regular season this afternoon at 4:15pm EST. I can't help but admit that I am absolutely giddy about this game. First off, it's against the Raiders, the only team in the NFL whose record was worse than the Lions, so on paper we have a pretty fair chance at coming out of this with a win. I'm also very excited to see the Lions starting offensive and defensive units as a whole, in particular the offensive line (which is completely healthy coming into the season, I honestly can't remember the last time this happened) and rookie Free Safety Gerald Alexander, who replaces the injured Daniel Bullocks (torn ACL, out for the season) and is starting over 6 year veteran Idrees Bashir. Whenever this happens it always begs the question, is the rookie really good or the veteran really bad? My hope is that the rookie is really good, but you don't get to see the DBs all that much in preseason and Alexander mainly worked with, and against, the 2nd and 3rd units.

I believe the Lions will win this, the Raiders have too little offense and the Lions have too much, though one never knows with Detroit. Keep an eye on Cory Redding and Shaun Rogers, working together in the NT/UT positions for the first time, these two could become the premier defensive tackle duo in the NFL. Tatum Bell and Shaun McDonald are another pair to watch. Both of these guys were let go/traded due to under-performing with their previous teams, both looked great in the preseason and both are coming into today's game with a lot to prove. On the Raiders side, keep an eye on Josh McCown and Mike Williams, the tandem traded on draft day from Detroit to Oakland and both with something to prove against their former team. Warren Sapp is another Raider to watch. He lost fifty pounds this off-season and led all defensive tackles last year with 10 sack and yet didn't go the Pro-Bowl. If anyone in this game is going to come into it with a chip on his shoulder, it's gonna be him.

That's all for now folks. I hope you're all doing well and keeping it rockin' for the kids. Tune in next week when I'll discuss my nose-hair, or something else you're not all that interested in reading about.